JAB blab

Opened THE LISTENER this weekend. Always a relief to get a show up and running.   Many thanks to Mr. Hurwitt for the lovely review. Still running like mad to get butts in seats…that’s my job after all!

So, if you’re lucky, please come on out for a nice evening knowing that you are supporting small, independent theatre. And if you aren’t local, consider adopting me. you know I’d talk you into the $25 ticket if you were. Besides, I’m practically an orphan…adopting Managing Directors just isn’t as sexy as actors, I suppose.

XXOO

check out crowdedfire.org

My heretofore un-named job is with Crowded Fire Theater Company in San Francisco. I’m officially the new marketing director, though it’s a small theatre company so its pretty hands on all around. The skinny is that my good friends recently became co-artistic directors of the company which is now in its 10th season. Basically, I rode their train in. Can we agree not to tell them that I have limited knowledge/experience for the position I have assumed? Actually, it’s been a very exciting and stimulating few weeks. We’re trying to bring the company into this decade with a major website face-lift in May. If you visited that link above, check back in for changes later. (Don’t worry, I’ll do another shameless self promotion post when the time is right.) We’re also amping up the e-marketing, striving to go paperless, which includes a new monthly e-newsletter written by yours truly. Oh, and all the while, we’re still going to produce some striking theatre along the way.

My work puts me in SF two to three times a week. I’m loving actually leaving the house to go to work, engaging with theatre and just being in the city. I take BART in and am reminded a bit of my old NYC routine.  Don’t get me wrong, working from home has been great in a lot of ways…so flexible, easy and not at all stressful. However, I was starting to feel a little isolated and less than enthused about the work I was doing. Even when I started teaching some residencies, I was having trouble feeling connected. These first few weeks in this position have been the exact opposite. I am actually eager to jump into each project. I don’t know if it is simply the change of routine, the fact that I actually get to have conversations with other adults about something other than child rearing, the steep learning curve and challenge of it all, or if it is a career that actually suits me, but for right now I’m happy with the decision to give it a try.

If you had asked me ten years ago if I would still be flailing around to find a career at 34, I would have been insulted. I’m still flummoxed by my inability to find something that feels totally right for more than a few minutes. The only explanation I can come up with is that 10 years ago, I would have been 24.  I was living in New York. I was an ‘arteest,’ an actor. That was how I defined myself. It was not my job (never mind the fact that the day job was something all together different), it was who I was. Ever since I stopped acting, I think I’ve struggled with finding a new career because nothing has ever felt as all encompassing as being an actor did back then. Of course no one could tell me at 24 that my life was actually quite simple. It felt so HUGE, so complicated, so very dramatic. My life right now is so NOT dramatic, but probably a little more complicated. I think I’ve discovered that my self definition isn’t wrapped up in just one thing…it’s a combination of many. I’ve still got a bit of the artist in me, but I’m also a mom, a wife, a writer, an educator, a listener, a friend, and I guess for today, I’m also a marketer. Life is a balancing act, isn’t it?

I recently sent an email to ChicagoJen thanking her for getting us addicted to HBO’s The Wire. It’s smart, entertaining, and an episode makes you grapple with some hard questions about poverty and racism in America today. We gobbled up Seasons 1-3 via netflix and are now watching Season 4 thanks to tivo. Anyhow this season deals with the  school system, among other things, and although it’s set in Baltimore, it feels scarily familiar.

Most of you know I did my first two years of teaching (my only two years of full time teaching!) in Oakland Unified. Without mincing words, it sucked. I can honestly say that the first year was hands down the worst year of my life. Basically, I spent the year just trying to make it hour to hour Monday through Friday. Sunday nights you could find me on the couch crying while curled up in the fetal position, positive I couldn’t get through the upcoming week. It is a wonder that K and I survived that year as a couple. I was a mess.

It wasn’t that I was fearful for my life as some stupid movies and TV dramas might make you think. It stemmed more from an overwhelming sense of failure…it took a bit of therapy (yes, it was that bad) and a couple of years time to realize that it wasn’t just my failure. I’ll take part of the blame…but only a tiny sliver for the days when I just said “screw it” and went through the motions instead of doing the endless “dance of trying” that was more akin to banging my head against a wall while juggling a knife, a piece of jello, and a flaming stick. I’ll hand out a little blame to some of the parents…the ones that really didn’t care (very rare, by the way). There are a couple of kids that I might even blame, though few. In my mind, they are victims of a system that is beyond bad. Dare I say, beyond repair?

Because here is the thing. Yes, the public schools are a mess. Well, at least public schools in certain neighborhoods, towns, and cities are a mess, and I don’t know if we can “fix the schools” without addressing the other big issues like universal healthcare, a real living wage, affordable housing, etc. etc. etc. because they are just one part of an overall systemic quagmire that’s rooted in racism and classism in this country.

With that said, I want to believe that there are things that can be done to move forward while we wait for the big fixes. I’m just not always sure what those things are. We live in a really nice neighborhood in Oakland and the neighborhood school has a lot going for it. It’s described as a school “in transition” not quite the same caliber as the “hills schools” but also not quite as desperate as the schools in the “flatlands.” On paper that’s true. They’ve got a lot going for them. The principal is fantastic ( I would have LOVED to have had a principal like that when I was teaching); they’ve got a good mix of veteran and new teachers; the building is nice with large classrooms; test scores are up (though don’t get me started on that); and they have a newly formed PTA that is working hard.

I’m involved in this school in a number of ways including active memberhip in the PTA and I am an active member in a group of neighborhood residents invested in helping the school. Many in this group, myself included, are parents that hope when our kids hit the ripe old age of five that the school will be “good enough.” And yes, that is a sticky situation because this group is mostly white and mostly middle to upper class–not the demographics of the school at all.

I don’t believe that anyone in this group approaches this from a “we’re trying to take back the school” kind of stand point. In fact, one of the reasons a lot people want to send their kids to a public school is that they want their kids to be in a diverse environment. (Oh god, does that sound like the “some of my best friends are fill in the blank with your ethnicity of choice adage?) But let’s face it, it does mean that some kids bussed from other neighborhoods to this school (which is better, though not great) won’t have that option down the line. All in all, it is a sensitive subject. 

But I digress. I recently began volunteering in the 2nd grade classes by teaching the elementary theatre curriculum that I designed while working at TheatreWorks. I enjoy going in and working with the kids. It’s been more challenging than I thought it would be and that is disappointing. Yes, this school has a lot going for it and all of those things I listed above are true, but the reality of the environment is more complex than the improved test scores and decreasing suspension rate. Teachers still have a handful of students with severe emotional issues in each class. I’m talking  major anger issues in some cases (the kind where you have to watch out for potential chair flinging). From both past and current experience, I know how much time a teacher has to devote to just keeping those kids safe and semi functioning at the expense of the other students. I also know how most of your time is spent trying to bring the majority of your students up to grade level and how little time you have for students who are already at or above grade level.

Right now it’s hard for me to picture Jack going to school there. If he were older and we were making the choice today, I would say no way. I’m glad we don’t have to make that choice today and I hold out hope that some major things happen over the next few years that at least make me want to consider it. Please don’t think I am just looking for the best, most challenging education. It’s not that at all, because I think a lot is (or can be) supplemented in the home in terms of learning the mechanics, but I do want the environment to be a positive and stimulating environment. I have a long list of things that I would love, love, love to see in a school in which Jack attends but this post is long and I haven’t posted in a while so I am going to leave it for now.

In fact, I am not sure why I started this post. What information was I trying to impart or gain. I think, actually, it would be interesting for people to weigh in. If you could build the school from scratch, what would be on your “has to have” list and what would be on your “it would be nice to have list?” I’m curious. 

Now that I am doing all of this contract work, I think I need to get a real email address for work related stuff, maybe even do a little website/resume on line. Because my work revolves around theatre in one way or another, most people assume that my personal email address is a work email address and when the truly curious check out the website associated with that address, they find  7 billion pictures of Jack. While I think that he is one of my greater achievements, its not exactly a resume builder. I am exploring the idea (at least internally) about this contract work expanding in the future…maybe a non-profit of some sort so that I can write grants for myself to do further arts education work in public schools. Anyhow, I guess I want to “brand” myself–it would be nice to be able to put a company name of sorts on my invoices and to have an email address reflecting it. I am at a loss for something catchy (and available). Any suggestions?

For those that don’t know what I do, it is mostly related to integrating theatre with more traditional education programming. For example, currently I am writing a study guide and workshop curriculum for an upcoming production of Shakespeare’s As You Like It, teaching a residency to 2nd graders that integrates performance and language arts, editing recruiting materials for a college theatre department. Other projects that are on the horizon include working with a theatre to align their student matinee teaching materials with California’s education content standards and writing a manual for how to use theatre arts in children’s hospitals (art as healing). 

And, yes, Venture Geek you will be consulted.

Many of you (lurkers) have asked (off-line) what it is I will actually be doing with my free time now that we have secured a nanny on a regular basis. Well between spa appointments, three martini lunches with the ladies, and feeding my soap opera habit, I think I might try doing a little laundry; occasionally cooking a meal; maybe organizing the shed; reviving the yard, rose bushes, and other plants we have neglected and very nearly killed over the last eight months while tending to Jack; finishing a blog post in one sitting; getting back to knitting (perhaps even learn to sew); and, I suppose, working a bit.

I’ve continued to do the wee bit of contract work that I was doing while pregnant. It has mainly consisted of writing/compiling study guides for local theatres, a little bit of teaching, and, most recently, writing some marketing materials for my college theatre department. Now that I have a more regular “schedule,” I hope to step things up a notch in the teaching and writing department. I’m also toying around with the idea of pursuing more directing opportunities. And I’m planning a lot of volunteer work with the neighborhood public school (including teaching an artist residency with their second graders). I’m part of a coalition of neighborhood parents with young children that are brainstorming ways to beef up the school which is “in transition” but not “up to par” in the hopes that we can actually send our kids to public school when the time draws near.

So much of these last two years has been about building our little family and that continues to be my primary focus…it’s surprising to me in some ways. I’ve always known I wanted kids, but in the past I kind of figured myself to be more of the “super mom” with career and family taking equal billing (in terms of time). When I stopped acting (a career path that was all consuming and by its very nature self defining), I knew I wanted something that allowed me to separate the personal from the professional and a career that would be “family friendly.” Teaching sounded like a good option. And though the route I chose was not, it did lead me into this niche of theatre education which proved satisfying and manageable. And at that point, I still thought of myself as a future full time working mom. However, when we started “trying” and the process was a little more challenging than originally expected, I felt my priorities shift once again. Work became even less important. Healthy or not, all of my emotional energy went into having a child. I left my job with its sometimes crazy hours but even crazier commute, took things easy and started a part time, piecemeal, working existence.

Now I realize when talking about this family/work dichotomy I run the risk of saying the wrong thing and insulting or hurting someone’s feelings. Please understand I am not in any way, shape, or form passing judgement or advocating for any particular set-up. I think every family has to do what’s best for them and there are lots of variables that go into that (finances, personal goals, etc.) I recognize that I am fortunate to have the flexibility to even make a choice between working (full or part time) and staying at home.

My choice to rev up my part time work a bit is more about my future professional life than my present.  (Though I will admit, it’s also partially about getting a bit of a break…a little time for me.) I operate under a slight fear of waking up one day ready to focus on my career again and realizing I have let it slide so much that I’ve lost all contacts, all momentum, have become unemployable, and have to “start all over again.” But more than this fear, the opportunity to explore a variety of professional avenues exists in this ”contract work” existence. Despite being eleven (egads!) years out of college, I still don’t know exactly what I want to be doing with my professional life. Do I want to continue in theatre education? If so, do I want to continue as a teaching artist or seek out more management opportunities? Do I want to delve deeper into curriculum planning? Do I want to get back into the classroom full time in a better environment now that I feel stronger with classroom management and my “style” of teaching? Do I want direct? Do I want to teach college? If so, what kind of MFA do I want pursue and where can I do that?

Obviously I don’t know the definitive answer. I do know the answer is more complicated now that we have a child. Even more than before, we operate as a family unit. And, of course, the reason I have so much flexibility to begin with is because K has taken one for the team and stuck with his sometimes satisfying but often frustrating law career. I know he would like the opportunity to sit back, re-evaluate his career path, and spend more time with Jack as well. I hope that someday we can afford him that opportunity. In the mean time, this is working out well for all of us. I guess we’ll see what tomorrow brings…

I wonder, am I alone in this? How many of you have shifted the way you think about/ pursue your career now that you have a family? Just curious. 

last of the theatre reviews for those interested:

San Jose Mercury
East Bay Express

Oh! And the most exciting tidbit is that I think I get to meet (and dine with!) Craig Lucas, the playwright.

Good article

Review in from the Chronicle. Overall, VERY positive. I disagree about the ending of the play being “unearned,” but I am a little biased.

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Just in:
Oakland Tribune
Contra Costa Times 

Opening night went well…now we anxiously await the reviews. It was also nice to have a night out with Kieran. Thanks to Special K for babysitting. Here’s a photo on our way out the door. I bought this fabulous new skirt…You can’t really tell from the photo how fabulous it was. I need to learn to stand like they do on the red carpet. Oh, and my hair isn’t short…it’s just pulled back.

 3080

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This just in from the SF Chron…full review later. It got a “clapping man.”

SMALL TRAGEDY
by Craig Lucas
The real tragedies of ethnic cleansing in the Balkans illuminate and inspire a comically problematic production of “Oedipus Rex” in the West Coast premiere of Craig Lucas’ mostly smart, funny and edgily provocative backstage story. The awkwardly manipulative ending is unearned, but most of Kent Nicholson’s sharply staged 2 1/2-hour production is a delight, with a riveting Carrie Paff at the head of a very strong cast.
–R. Hurwitt