JAB blab

Children beget chaos. Or at least multiple children do! We had our second visit with the nanny share family this past weekend. As before, it was a whirlwind of excitement illiciting a frenzy of emotions from yours truly. Mind you, the chaos I speak of is totally normal kid energy and I recognize it as a good thing. It’s just in these two meetings with this family, Kieran and I have learned that we keep Jack’s world relatively calm and controlled. Now, this is easier to do with one child. Certainly, it’s a whole different ball game with two (and three) so please don’t think I am passing judgement. And I am a big proponent of socializing kids at a young age, so I am thrilled that Jack will be interacting with Max and Ben. They are very sweet and polite–just more active than I am used to!

I am a pretty organized person and there are some people (particularly former roommates) that might describe me as a bit controlling. I like order and I also don’t mind taking charge. In certain situations this can be a good thing, but I also recognize that I can take it too far, so I really do actively work against my tendency to be a “control freak.” Leaving New York and moving to the Bay Area has actually helped. I have a natural east coast energy, but I’ve learned to adopt a bit of a west coast vibe. Kieran is also a great influence–though he likes to stay active, his style is more west coast.

Jack certainly has a propensity towards wanting to do things for himself (what baby doesn’t?), but in general I think he’s pretty mellow. Whereas some kids jump headfirst into a situation, Jack is prone to checking things out before he interacts. So as Ben and Max explored their new surroundings with vim and vigor, Jack observed the scene with interest. It’s not that he is anti-social mind you. He just takes a little bit of time to warm up. West coast baby it is.

This time around we got to meet Iris, the childcare provider. Thankfully she was a calming presence. Her interaction with Jack was great and I could tell he would be in good hands. So, we are taking the leap. Jack has a new nanny.  

OK. Here goes…I’ve decided to #1 really try and write once a day and #2 really try to write more freely (esp. since i am writing once a day and have no time to edit myself). You can’t imagine how many posts I started and never got around to finishing/editing them. A finished product is not what this is supposed to be about and besides, there’s only a handful of you out there reading this and I know you already think I am wacked love me. So a more stream of consciousness, less censoring style of writing it is…

Today we met with a prospective nanny share family. We didn’t actually meet the nanny yet because of car trouble but it worked out well to meet the family first. It was a bit chaotic. They have a 2 1/2 year old who is heading off to pre-school and another son, Max, who will turn 1 in late August. If it all works out, Max and Jack will share a nanny and serve as each others bosom buddies I suppose. Max and his brother are super cute and their parents were very nice. There house was nice…full of toys  and kid friendly corners. It all seems good. The way the share would work is three days of week (8:30-4) alternating weeks at each others houses. I am sure Jack will feel like he is at Disneyland while at their house with all their amusements and Max will think he is on his way to baby monestary when he comes to the house of relatively few toys. Oh well.

In the beginning Max’s brother Ben will be with them one of the three days. This didn’t worry me because the nanny has (up until this point) watched Ben, another boy around Ben’s age, and Max all at the same time. Then K mentioned that seemed like a tough load for one person and then Cassie said the same thing and now I am freaking out just an eensie weensie teeny bit. I keep telling myself it will be OK. Besides we haven’t even met and approved the nanny. Maybe she is super nanny. Please let her be super nanny. I don’t know. What do you think? is it possible to safely care for all three of these kids (Ben-2 1/2, Max-1yr, and Jack-9mos) all at once?

My sister gets weepy every time she thinks about taking Baby G to daycare next month. I try to tell her that it will be ok, he will be ok, and that it is really good for him to be around other babies. And I do believe this, but I also really do understand why it upsets her. It is hard to think of other people taking care of your children…especially people with whom you have no previous connection. I have been so very lucky to have my friend Cassie as a pseudo nanny. I knew I was fortunate, but didn’t really know just how fortunate until I started contemplating a more permanent situation with someone else. With Cassie, I know she loves Jack so much and that she is as vigilant (if not more vigilant) about his care than I am. She’s tackled his care as a learning experience just as much as I have and really it’s been like having a third parent for Jack…analyzing and scrutinizing his development with a keen eye, taking pride in his accomplishments, comforting him when he is cranky or sick. He loves his “Auntie Cassie” and she loves him. If Kieran or I can’t be there, she is the next best thing.

When I think about the new nanny, it’s hard for me to imagine that someone who doesn’t know us can form that same kind of attachment to Jack. And in some secret recess of my heart, it’s hard for me to want Jack to form that kind of attachment to her. With Cassie it was ok. I can’t exactly put my finger on why this situation should be any different, but the transition feels bigger and the stakes feel higher. I guess it feels like I will lose a little part of him. I want him to be social and independent; I really do.  And when Jack is in the park with his nanny and he inevitably falls and scrapes his knee, I want him to run to her for a hug that makes it all better. But, boy oh boy, I am not ready for her hug to trump my hug. Is that selfish? Is this some kind of slippery slope into “no other woman will ever be good enough for my baby boy!”?

K and I waited in anticipation and a little trepidation for Saturday to roll around. It was to be our first night out while Jack stayed with a real babysitter. And by real babysitter I mean, someone who was not already connected to us prior to his birth. We’ve been so unbelievably lucky to have our good friend, Cassie, as Jack’s pseudo-nanny and default babysitter. Not to mention a number of other friends have rolled up their sleeves and pitched in so that we could enjoy an occasional evening out. Having called in all of those babysitting chits and recognizing that we were stretching Cassie a little thin, I’d finally broken down and secured a sitter from a UC Berkeley babysitting co-op. (Gotta love the Berkeley.) 

I was a little nerve wracked at the prospect of someone new and insisted that she come super early to play with Jack, observe his bedtime routine, etc. Basically I was paying the girl to be here two and half hours before we were actually leaving so that Jack would not freak out when she had to give him his 10 pm bottle. Best laid plans…

The day arrived and (wouldn’t you know) Jack’s digestive system was in its usually state of chaos. He’d been storing up those solids for a few days despite the warm prune juice, warm “prune and pear puree” lovingly prepared by me, and gallons of water we had been administering religiously. The boy was having quite a day. His entire body would shake as he strained and grunted, his little face turning beat red, and his eyes looking accusingly in our general direction. “Do something!” they seemed to be saying.

Four o’clock rolled around and the sitter had arrived, but Jack was still VERY uncomfortable and pretty exhausted. Thanks to his “situation,” naps had been fitful and short. Jack was in no shape to play with his new friend and he was certainly not his charming self. I knew we couldn’t leave him in this state and so we called K’s mom to ask her advice. Not only is she great for the experienced mom advice, she is also a nurse.

Since we had already been doing most of her remedies, we had to resort to more extreme measures. Yes, in case you were wondering, they DO make baby laxatives in suppository form. It was indeed a night of firsts, ladies and gentlemen. And, well, now Jack has his very own bottle of K-Y.

The poor babysitter gave witness to all of this. I am happy to report Jack’s discomfort was quickly relieved. He fell into a deep slumber, we went on our merry way, and by all reports, Jack slept like a baby for the rest of the night. I wonder, though, if she will ever come back. 

Shiso Mama babysat for us on Saturday night…a thousand thank you’s to her! Anyhow, she blogged about her adventures, Jack’s feet, and the beauty of our cable.

PS Shiso Mama, you can man handle his feet any time. Oh, and thanks for being so polite with the kind phrase “I had to help him back to sleep a couple of times.” We know you could have said, “I had to wrestle the screaming infant that is Jack back into a fitful slumber on a number of occasions.”