JAB blab

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Final July pics are up!

Many of you (lurkers) have asked (off-line) what it is I will actually be doing with my free time now that we have secured a nanny on a regular basis. Well between spa appointments, three martini lunches with the ladies, and feeding my soap opera habit, I think I might try doing a little laundry; occasionally cooking a meal; maybe organizing the shed; reviving the yard, rose bushes, and other plants we have neglected and very nearly killed over the last eight months while tending to Jack; finishing a blog post in one sitting; getting back to knitting (perhaps even learn to sew); and, I suppose, working a bit.

I’ve continued to do the wee bit of contract work that I was doing while pregnant. It has mainly consisted of writing/compiling study guides for local theatres, a little bit of teaching, and, most recently, writing some marketing materials for my college theatre department. Now that I have a more regular “schedule,” I hope to step things up a notch in the teaching and writing department. I’m also toying around with the idea of pursuing more directing opportunities. And I’m planning a lot of volunteer work with the neighborhood public school (including teaching an artist residency with their second graders). I’m part of a coalition of neighborhood parents with young children that are brainstorming ways to beef up the school which is “in transition” but not “up to par” in the hopes that we can actually send our kids to public school when the time draws near.

So much of these last two years has been about building our little family and that continues to be my primary focus…it’s surprising to me in some ways. I’ve always known I wanted kids, but in the past I kind of figured myself to be more of the “super mom” with career and family taking equal billing (in terms of time). When I stopped acting (a career path that was all consuming and by its very nature self defining), I knew I wanted something that allowed me to separate the personal from the professional and a career that would be “family friendly.” Teaching sounded like a good option. And though the route I chose was not, it did lead me into this niche of theatre education which proved satisfying and manageable. And at that point, I still thought of myself as a future full time working mom. However, when we started “trying” and the process was a little more challenging than originally expected, I felt my priorities shift once again. Work became even less important. Healthy or not, all of my emotional energy went into having a child. I left my job with its sometimes crazy hours but even crazier commute, took things easy and started a part time, piecemeal, working existence.

Now I realize when talking about this family/work dichotomy I run the risk of saying the wrong thing and insulting or hurting someone’s feelings. Please understand I am not in any way, shape, or form passing judgement or advocating for any particular set-up. I think every family has to do what’s best for them and there are lots of variables that go into that (finances, personal goals, etc.) I recognize that I am fortunate to have the flexibility to even make a choice between working (full or part time) and staying at home.

My choice to rev up my part time work a bit is more about my future professional life than my present.  (Though I will admit, it’s also partially about getting a bit of a break…a little time for me.) I operate under a slight fear of waking up one day ready to focus on my career again and realizing I have let it slide so much that I’ve lost all contacts, all momentum, have become unemployable, and have to “start all over again.” But more than this fear, the opportunity to explore a variety of professional avenues exists in this ”contract work” existence. Despite being eleven (egads!) years out of college, I still don’t know exactly what I want to be doing with my professional life. Do I want to continue in theatre education? If so, do I want to continue as a teaching artist or seek out more management opportunities? Do I want to delve deeper into curriculum planning? Do I want to get back into the classroom full time in a better environment now that I feel stronger with classroom management and my “style” of teaching? Do I want direct? Do I want to teach college? If so, what kind of MFA do I want pursue and where can I do that?

Obviously I don’t know the definitive answer. I do know the answer is more complicated now that we have a child. Even more than before, we operate as a family unit. And, of course, the reason I have so much flexibility to begin with is because K has taken one for the team and stuck with his sometimes satisfying but often frustrating law career. I know he would like the opportunity to sit back, re-evaluate his career path, and spend more time with Jack as well. I hope that someday we can afford him that opportunity. In the mean time, this is working out well for all of us. I guess we’ll see what tomorrow brings…

I wonder, am I alone in this? How many of you have shifted the way you think about/ pursue your career now that you have a family? Just curious. 

In the last two days I have gone to two different organizational committee meetings. Can I just say UGH. While I recognize there is a time and place for brainstorming and I certainly don’t want to stifle any creativity, why is it SO hard to get people to settle on action items? Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk…

Jack was running a fever last week and had super low energy. We weren’t really sure if it was a teething thing or sickness, but it was relatively short lived and aside from being slightly more cranky than usual he seemed fine (with the added bonus that he was sleeping a lot!). Looks like it was more than just teething because Kieran is now sick and feverish. So he’s home from work and sleeping it off. Jack is taking a blissfully long nap and I am sitting in my pjs on the couch enjoying the quiet and the lovely breeze blowing through the house.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want Kieran to be sick, but it is nice having him at home. And it is very sweet to see them both peacefully slumbering away. Why I didn’t lie down and do the same is anyone’s best guess.

Children beget chaos. Or at least multiple children do! We had our second visit with the nanny share family this past weekend. As before, it was a whirlwind of excitement illiciting a frenzy of emotions from yours truly. Mind you, the chaos I speak of is totally normal kid energy and I recognize it as a good thing. It’s just in these two meetings with this family, Kieran and I have learned that we keep Jack’s world relatively calm and controlled. Now, this is easier to do with one child. Certainly, it’s a whole different ball game with two (and three) so please don’t think I am passing judgement. And I am a big proponent of socializing kids at a young age, so I am thrilled that Jack will be interacting with Max and Ben. They are very sweet and polite–just more active than I am used to!

I am a pretty organized person and there are some people (particularly former roommates) that might describe me as a bit controlling. I like order and I also don’t mind taking charge. In certain situations this can be a good thing, but I also recognize that I can take it too far, so I really do actively work against my tendency to be a “control freak.” Leaving New York and moving to the Bay Area has actually helped. I have a natural east coast energy, but I’ve learned to adopt a bit of a west coast vibe. Kieran is also a great influence–though he likes to stay active, his style is more west coast.

Jack certainly has a propensity towards wanting to do things for himself (what baby doesn’t?), but in general I think he’s pretty mellow. Whereas some kids jump headfirst into a situation, Jack is prone to checking things out before he interacts. So as Ben and Max explored their new surroundings with vim and vigor, Jack observed the scene with interest. It’s not that he is anti-social mind you. He just takes a little bit of time to warm up. West coast baby it is.

This time around we got to meet Iris, the childcare provider. Thankfully she was a calming presence. Her interaction with Jack was great and I could tell he would be in good hands. So, we are taking the leap. Jack has a new nanny.  

So the temps are up here in Oaktown…breakin’ the 90 degree barrier. I know thats nothing compared to what the rest of you are experiencing, but we are official Bay Area weather weenies. Sorry about your luck…

OK. Here goes…I’ve decided to #1 really try and write once a day and #2 really try to write more freely (esp. since i am writing once a day and have no time to edit myself). You can’t imagine how many posts I started and never got around to finishing/editing them. A finished product is not what this is supposed to be about and besides, there’s only a handful of you out there reading this and I know you already think I am wacked love me. So a more stream of consciousness, less censoring style of writing it is…

Today we met with a prospective nanny share family. We didn’t actually meet the nanny yet because of car trouble but it worked out well to meet the family first. It was a bit chaotic. They have a 2 1/2 year old who is heading off to pre-school and another son, Max, who will turn 1 in late August. If it all works out, Max and Jack will share a nanny and serve as each others bosom buddies I suppose. Max and his brother are super cute and their parents were very nice. There house was nice…full of toys  and kid friendly corners. It all seems good. The way the share would work is three days of week (8:30-4) alternating weeks at each others houses. I am sure Jack will feel like he is at Disneyland while at their house with all their amusements and Max will think he is on his way to baby monestary when he comes to the house of relatively few toys. Oh well.

In the beginning Max’s brother Ben will be with them one of the three days. This didn’t worry me because the nanny has (up until this point) watched Ben, another boy around Ben’s age, and Max all at the same time. Then K mentioned that seemed like a tough load for one person and then Cassie said the same thing and now I am freaking out just an eensie weensie teeny bit. I keep telling myself it will be OK. Besides we haven’t even met and approved the nanny. Maybe she is super nanny. Please let her be super nanny. I don’t know. What do you think? is it possible to safely care for all three of these kids (Ben-2 1/2, Max-1yr, and Jack-9mos) all at once?

My sister gets weepy every time she thinks about taking Baby G to daycare next month. I try to tell her that it will be ok, he will be ok, and that it is really good for him to be around other babies. And I do believe this, but I also really do understand why it upsets her. It is hard to think of other people taking care of your children…especially people with whom you have no previous connection. I have been so very lucky to have my friend Cassie as a pseudo nanny. I knew I was fortunate, but didn’t really know just how fortunate until I started contemplating a more permanent situation with someone else. With Cassie, I know she loves Jack so much and that she is as vigilant (if not more vigilant) about his care than I am. She’s tackled his care as a learning experience just as much as I have and really it’s been like having a third parent for Jack…analyzing and scrutinizing his development with a keen eye, taking pride in his accomplishments, comforting him when he is cranky or sick. He loves his “Auntie Cassie” and she loves him. If Kieran or I can’t be there, she is the next best thing.

When I think about the new nanny, it’s hard for me to imagine that someone who doesn’t know us can form that same kind of attachment to Jack. And in some secret recess of my heart, it’s hard for me to want Jack to form that kind of attachment to her. With Cassie it was ok. I can’t exactly put my finger on why this situation should be any different, but the transition feels bigger and the stakes feel higher. I guess it feels like I will lose a little part of him. I want him to be social and independent; I really do.  And when Jack is in the park with his nanny and he inevitably falls and scrapes his knee, I want him to run to her for a hug that makes it all better. But, boy oh boy, I am not ready for her hug to trump my hug. Is that selfish? Is this some kind of slippery slope into “no other woman will ever be good enough for my baby boy!”?

Jack’s commando crawl has now given way to what I like to call his Quasimodo crawl. He can get his left knee into crawl position, but he keeps his right leg up in a modified downward dog position and pushes off with that foot. It’s a little gimpy, but effective. What he really wants to do is walk. He has successfully pulled up on a number of furniture items as well as the bath tub and in his crib. The look of pure joy that comes across his face with this accomplishment is contagious. It’s hard not to be happy for the kid even though I know this just means more work for us!

All of this new-found movement is making for some interesting sleep patterns. On the up side we are getting some nice long naps these days. He just exhausts himself when he is awake. On the down side, it appears that there are times when he just can’t stop moving even while sleeping. Inevitably after a minute or so of “sleep crawling” or “sleep climbing,” he wakes up enough to realize he does not want to be doing this activity but not enough to realize how to stop himself from doing it and go back to sleep. Intervention is then required to help him chill out and lay back down. Apparently this is all very developmentally normal. How weird.

So much to write about and so little time…I’m on deadline again. Clearly I am not good with time management these days or I would not always be in such a rush. Alas, I did not get any work done while on vacation. I have all sorts of good excuses for that, but really I just didn’t feel like dealing with Shakespeare whilst at the beach. Ho hum.

So, a vacation update:

Back in NC at the beach house, Jack met LOTS of new people and got to visit with others he met when he was just a little lump of a person so I am sure he didn’t quite remember them:

His Nan was very good at mesmerizing him with some crazy dance she did while Granna held him tight. (As always Granna was loathe to pass him off to anyone else.) Captain B always illicited a smile when he would turn to Jack and exclaim “Hey, Big Boy!” Nan and Capt. B’s new puppy, Mabes was a real hit.

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Jack spent a good deal of time trying to figure out what that fuzz was beneath Punka Paul’s nose. A new bedtime routine was established by Grandpa Jack who could wind Jack down with a soothing whistle and walk on the decks. MJ surprised Baby J when she knew his kindermusik songs, but really won him over when she took him outside to explore the rain.

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Daniel was Jack’s clear favorite…I am sure that is just what my 15 year old cousin wanted for his beach vacation. 

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The kid couldn’t get enough of him and was the recipient of Jack’s first wave.

Back in Virginia, Barbara, Emily, and Grandad Roger showered Jack with lots of affection and hospitality on our brief visit. 

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Barbara and Jack played a lot of “who’s that baby” in the mirror, while Emily

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and Grandad

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entertained Jack with their crazy singing stuffed animal collection.

At Dawn’s house Jack continued to be his charming self for the bulk of the trip (aside from a two day bout of grumpy whining thanks to those pesky top teeth that are still giving us grief). We settled into heaven as far as Jack was concerned….loads of toys, a swimming pool, kids, and another dog! 

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Taylor graciously allowed Jack to play with her Barbie laptop.

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Zoe and Jack became close buds when we threw them in the bath together and Zoe got her first exposure to “boy parts.” Unfazed but fascinated, she insisted on “touching his butt.” Jack was completely unaware.

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Donna served up her famous stuffed shells and got my favorite meatball sub just like we were back in high school. Friends from my college days, Gregg and Brandon, trekked down to “Bad News Newport News” to meet Jack. It was good to see them…though, again, a visit all too short. Somehow, they escaped without a photo. I guess they will just have to visit us out here!

We had a hellish trip home. I won’t bore you with the details and, quite frankly, don’t even want to preserve the moment in writing. Jack was a super trooper baby throughout it all. It’s a good thing, because I think I would have completely lost it myself. Way to hold it together for mama, big boy!

It was so good to see everyone and so good to be back home. I think we have finally recovered from the return trip and we got a lot of good quality daddy time this past week. Oh, and mama got a much needed massage! Now Jack and I are prepping for our next trip to meet Cousin Graham in August.

PS The rest of the vacation photos are posted if you haven’t figured that out yet!

Jack and I made it out to the east coast last Friday. Jack did surprisingly well on the trip over considering we were stuck in the window seat (next to an 80 year old woman who had been wheeled onto the plane) and also considering our connecting flight was delayed. The timing of the travels would have been PERFECT if not for that, but I have to say he took it in stride…much better than me.

We flew into Norfolk, VA where our friends met us at the airport and helped us get our luggage and rental car then headed to their house on the Bay. A million thank you’s to Linda and Bud for all of their help and their wonderful accomodations! Jack got to meet my high school pals, Amber

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and Chicago Jen. Jack also got his first taste of a warm beach. We’re now down at my aunt’s beach house on Hatteras Island in NC so he is getting daily doses of his mama’s favorite place to relax and recupe. He seems to be luke warm on the water, a definite negative on the wind, but pretty pleased with the sand…and sun hats, well you tell me….

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Sorry, Jack, but you are one white boy and I am afraid you will fry in the hot, hot sun out here.

The best water activity thus far is “swimming” in the hot tub.

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Nobody else is using it in this heat so we turned it down and made it into a glorified baby pool. Jack also initiated it right away with his own little version of a water fountain.

And of course Jack is basking in all of the attention from friends and family. He is a happy, happy baby and seemingly very flexible. It has totally thrown me for a loop. No complaints.  I just didn’t expect it. We have lots more people to see and a couple of more stops on our trip before we head back home, so I am thrilled he seems able to go with the flow.

We do, of course, miss K terribly. Life’s a beach down here, but it’s just not quite as much fun without Super Daddy.